Today was a very sleepy, lazy sort of day. I was supossed to go to my group at the mental health center today, but I just really didn't feel like it, and mostly it was because I was awake until like 6am, but also just I haven't wanted to be around those people lately. Yesterday when I had to meet with my councilor and my caseworker at the center, it really got me to thinking that I don't want to be so dependent on people forever, I might still have to be for a while longer and there might be some things that I never totally am able to do on my own, but I want to be able to try harder to not be so isolated from the world, the real world, not just the protected one that I have right now, but the one where I can go out and talk to people not as a patient, or someone in my group therapy sessions but just people....which I think sounds like i think I'm better then those people now, and I'm not....I just want something *more* out of things, and I'm not sure what exactly that is yet.
And so, I slept all the way til 3pm when Dawn woke us up with a surprize and it was that we got our membership to runescape finally paid for and it's so fun! It's an online role playgame for those people who don't know and it's just kind of fun to do the quests and it just gets my mind off things because I can zone into it and not worry so much about stuff. But then it was frustrating lots too, and I got whiny and my mommy said I have to wait til tomorrow to play it again, and she says I can't stay up past midnight anymore, and that kind of threw me off too. Cause normally she doesn't really notice, or I don't think she notices, what I'm up to, but obviously she was letting me find out on my own how irritable and cranky I was without enough sleep, so now if I stay up too late, I'm gunna find myself in trouble I guess~sighs~ but truly, I'm secretly glad that she cares enough to set that boundary, I'm just kind of pouty about it too.
I played lots today, and talked to a few people I haven't seen in like forever! and so that was good, and I think that this holiday season I will really be ok, I might get depressed still because December and January are some of the hardest months for me, and I always think if I can make it to february I'll be ok, cause my birthday is february 3rd an so it's like I force myself to hang on another year, and then by the time it gets here, the happiness returns. I wish it wasn't like that though, I wish winter didn't feel like this thick cold black fog hovering over me so I could be around more. So umm, poking me is good, if you don't see me around for a few days, because sometimes all it takes is the mere thought that somebody wondered what I was up to, to pull me out of my pit and make me smile again.
Enogh rambles for tonight.....off to play!
And so, I slept all the way til 3pm when Dawn woke us up with a surprize and it was that we got our membership to runescape finally paid for and it's so fun! It's an online role playgame for those people who don't know and it's just kind of fun to do the quests and it just gets my mind off things because I can zone into it and not worry so much about stuff. But then it was frustrating lots too, and I got whiny and my mommy said I have to wait til tomorrow to play it again, and she says I can't stay up past midnight anymore, and that kind of threw me off too. Cause normally she doesn't really notice, or I don't think she notices, what I'm up to, but obviously she was letting me find out on my own how irritable and cranky I was without enough sleep, so now if I stay up too late, I'm gunna find myself in trouble I guess~sighs~ but truly, I'm secretly glad that she cares enough to set that boundary, I'm just kind of pouty about it too.
I played lots today, and talked to a few people I haven't seen in like forever! and so that was good, and I think that this holiday season I will really be ok, I might get depressed still because December and January are some of the hardest months for me, and I always think if I can make it to february I'll be ok, cause my birthday is february 3rd an so it's like I force myself to hang on another year, and then by the time it gets here, the happiness returns. I wish it wasn't like that though, I wish winter didn't feel like this thick cold black fog hovering over me so I could be around more. So umm, poking me is good, if you don't see me around for a few days, because sometimes all it takes is the mere thought that somebody wondered what I was up to, to pull me out of my pit and make me smile again.
Enogh rambles for tonight.....off to play!
