I'm teaching myself how to sew. This is really significant to me 'cause when I was a biokid nobody ever had patience for such things, and it's something I've just suddenly been sparked by wanting to do. I've mostly been reading websites, but today my mommy actually sat down with me and showed me how to do two kinds of stiched and so we ripped up an old shirt I never wear and made pouches out of the sleeve by sewing up the ends and it was neat because I really didn't do too bad on it at all. We don't actually own a whole lot of sewing stuff right at the moment though so next month I think that might be what I do because I just have all of these plots for things I could do.
I think that having little projects to do will help me through this next part of the year though because this is when I usually tend to get so depressed and close my off to things and people, and so maybe having this will keep me from just sleeping all day and just not feeling quite so useless all the time. And in a way it's like being able to stare down all those things my biomom said about me not being able to learn to do this because it would be too hard for me to see, or too hard to do this or that, and it's just like saying...."I did it, so there!!". Which is silly why after all these years I still care very deeply what she thinks, even though I kinow she is never going to be proud of me, and I'm never going to be good enough for her because I don't do things just exactly, perfectly her way.....
And so when I was finishin up my little projects for the day, I was so happy, it was the best feeling in the world for my mommy to pick them up, look at them and say "very good" that.....was the best feeling in the world.
I think that having little projects to do will help me through this next part of the year though because this is when I usually tend to get so depressed and close my off to things and people, and so maybe having this will keep me from just sleeping all day and just not feeling quite so useless all the time. And in a way it's like being able to stare down all those things my biomom said about me not being able to learn to do this because it would be too hard for me to see, or too hard to do this or that, and it's just like saying...."I did it, so there!!". Which is silly why after all these years I still care very deeply what she thinks, even though I kinow she is never going to be proud of me, and I'm never going to be good enough for her because I don't do things just exactly, perfectly her way.....
And so when I was finishin up my little projects for the day, I was so happy, it was the best feeling in the world for my mommy to pick them up, look at them and say "very good" that.....was the best feeling in the world.
