Learning to be loved is hard. I guess that's been my biggest struggle of all lately. Because admitting that I want to be loved, hugged, and shown affection, is like assuming I might actually be deserving of it too, and that's a really scary realization to come to. Because ever since I was 6, it wasn't ok, it wasn't ok to cry, or show emotion, and yet lately, all I have done is be emotional. And it's just left a big ugly mess everywhere I go it seems.
But I'm slowly coming out of my fog, and it might come back, because learning all these things that are the oppisite of what I learning the first time around isn't easy, replacing those old tapes with new ones, takes a lot of patience, but I'm not giving up. I wanted to give up, very much so, but my friends and family won't let me. And that's a good thing to not be allowed to do.
So I might be slow but, I'm not going to make up excuses to hide anymore. So feel free to poke and prod and otherwise bug me when I'm not around....I might seem cranky an push you away....but inside my heart is usually so very relieved that people do care enough to wonder.
But I'm slowly coming out of my fog, and it might come back, because learning all these things that are the oppisite of what I learning the first time around isn't easy, replacing those old tapes with new ones, takes a lot of patience, but I'm not giving up. I wanted to give up, very much so, but my friends and family won't let me. And that's a good thing to not be allowed to do.
So I might be slow but, I'm not going to make up excuses to hide anymore. So feel free to poke and prod and otherwise bug me when I'm not around....I might seem cranky an push you away....but inside my heart is usually so very relieved that people do care enough to wonder.
