Well last night was the first night i didn't take my sleeping med. I really was worried about not sleeping, but I slept for 10 hours! It's silly how I can make myself be so paranoid and then there isn't anything to worry about really. I've been trying to give myself a good routine of things everyday though so that my brain is tired and my body is tired and then my thoughts don't wander to all sorts of scary places so much.
I took my first upped dose of my mood stabilizer today though and then I was being weird and searching how the meds work, and how it makes my thoughts calm down by making my brain not so stimulated, and it's like i'm easily suggestable, so my brain is like...oh yeah ok! and then even if the upped dosage isn't even in my body really yet, my brain is convinced it's working so much better, and I'll start to visualize how it feels to not be so anxious, or easily irritated or triggered by every tiny little thing....I'm such a weirdo some days, but it made my day run smoother to image it working like that, like there was a soother for my frazzled nerves working it's magic on me.
Today was very comfy, cozy and quiet. It was really cold, and still no heater here so I woke up at like 10 and fixed cream of wheat, because it's like my comfort food when i'm cold or sick, or just feeling little, and i snuggled up in front of the tv, watched blue's clues and just generally felt little. and then I talked lots to my friends, and posted, and we listened to "Adventures in Odyssey"(which is a kid's christian radio program me and my mommy listen to together lots) and we baked brownies too! an cept I was not suposda eat 4 brownies and it was very bad for my blood sugar, but my mommy says, nobody can be perfect all the time, so it was ok....just this once she says!~giggles~
And me and my mommy talked bout some more sewing projects I'm going to work on, and found more scraps round the house and I was just plotting stuff. and then I was talking to someone tonight and it reminded me how much i miss playing my sims game, and how I used to love that, and how there are lots of things I used to love that i hardly do anymore, so I'm gunna make a real effort to try more to do them now too, and that makes me feel more productive, an less depressed this time of year, when i feel like everyone has more of a life then me.
And it's starting to get really cold tonight, we even have a frost warning for tomorrow morning ....in texas! brrrr so I got blankets in the dryer to stay warm with tonight! hehe
Lotsa people, are being really super nice and concerned bout this whole halloween issue I got, an cept, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet, so I really, really appreciate all the nice private messages, and I mean that so very sincerely with all my heart and soul, just give me time, cause it's really not an easy thing to just jump right into saying at all, but I think as each day goes on, the mask I wear gets peeled off more an more an I get closer to being able to get through my past, and move on with my iife more without those scary monster flashbacks consuming me....least I can hope it works that way.
~snuggles up in my fresh smellin' dryer warmed blankets for the night~
I took my first upped dose of my mood stabilizer today though and then I was being weird and searching how the meds work, and how it makes my thoughts calm down by making my brain not so stimulated, and it's like i'm easily suggestable, so my brain is like...oh yeah ok! and then even if the upped dosage isn't even in my body really yet, my brain is convinced it's working so much better, and I'll start to visualize how it feels to not be so anxious, or easily irritated or triggered by every tiny little thing....I'm such a weirdo some days, but it made my day run smoother to image it working like that, like there was a soother for my frazzled nerves working it's magic on me.
Today was very comfy, cozy and quiet. It was really cold, and still no heater here so I woke up at like 10 and fixed cream of wheat, because it's like my comfort food when i'm cold or sick, or just feeling little, and i snuggled up in front of the tv, watched blue's clues and just generally felt little. and then I talked lots to my friends, and posted, and we listened to "Adventures in Odyssey"(which is a kid's christian radio program me and my mommy listen to together lots) and we baked brownies too! an cept I was not suposda eat 4 brownies and it was very bad for my blood sugar, but my mommy says, nobody can be perfect all the time, so it was ok....just this once she says!~giggles~
And me and my mommy talked bout some more sewing projects I'm going to work on, and found more scraps round the house and I was just plotting stuff. and then I was talking to someone tonight and it reminded me how much i miss playing my sims game, and how I used to love that, and how there are lots of things I used to love that i hardly do anymore, so I'm gunna make a real effort to try more to do them now too, and that makes me feel more productive, an less depressed this time of year, when i feel like everyone has more of a life then me.
And it's starting to get really cold tonight, we even have a frost warning for tomorrow morning ....in texas! brrrr so I got blankets in the dryer to stay warm with tonight! hehe
Lotsa people, are being really super nice and concerned bout this whole halloween issue I got, an cept, I'm just not ready to talk about it yet, so I really, really appreciate all the nice private messages, and I mean that so very sincerely with all my heart and soul, just give me time, cause it's really not an easy thing to just jump right into saying at all, but I think as each day goes on, the mask I wear gets peeled off more an more an I get closer to being able to get through my past, and move on with my iife more without those scary monster flashbacks consuming me....least I can hope it works that way.
~snuggles up in my fresh smellin' dryer warmed blankets for the night~
