There are days when I'm so sure I'm going to struggle with this forever....this, aching feeling that makes me want to always stay happy, to not need to scream and cry and whine, to not be a burdon, to not be the squeaky wheel, or the one people always have to worry about....i want to not need any of that.........cause askin' for, an even more so the needin' of help can be so scary.
It's so scary to believe people want to be there for me, that I don't have to always be the one holding them up, that I should be able to trust that if they are my friends, if they are my true family, then they will want to do the same for me....but I have such a hard time accepting that still........
and deep down, I think it's cause I don't believe I deserve to really be happy. I can fake happy real good, I am super duper good at doin' that! But that real happiness, that's an emotion i'm still workin' on....cause it's so hard to just let go, be little and I forgot lots that it's really ok to be me, all of me....but bit by bit, my heart is learning.... becayse I have the most amazing family and friends, and they show me everyday, that it's ok.....to just be myself.
It's so scary to believe people want to be there for me, that I don't have to always be the one holding them up, that I should be able to trust that if they are my friends, if they are my true family, then they will want to do the same for me....but I have such a hard time accepting that still........
and deep down, I think it's cause I don't believe I deserve to really be happy. I can fake happy real good, I am super duper good at doin' that! But that real happiness, that's an emotion i'm still workin' on....cause it's so hard to just let go, be little and I forgot lots that it's really ok to be me, all of me....but bit by bit, my heart is learning.... becayse I have the most amazing family and friends, and they show me everyday, that it's ok.....to just be myself.
